Have your friend site down and have them lift their right foot and make clockwise circles.  While they are making clockwise circles with their right foot, have them draw the number 6 in their air.  It should result in their foot changing directions. 

A good laugh at parties!

The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer, too" says the ostrich.

The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same."

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again." The usual?" asks the bartender.  "Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large Scottish" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer.  "Excuse me sir.  How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "Several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.  My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will
always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The bartender asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the talking ostrich?"

The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs."

Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans.  He loved them, but they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.  

Then one day he met a girl and fell in love.  When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself "she is such a sweet and gently girl, she will never go for this kind of carrying on."  So, he made the supreme sacrifice, he gave up beans.  They married shortly thereafter.

Some months later, his car broke down on the way home from work and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had several miles to walk home.  On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the aroma of freshly baked beans was overwhelming.  Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured that he would walk off any ill effects before he got home.  So, he went inside.

Before leaving he had eaten three large orders of baked beans.  All the way home, he pooted and pooted and after arriving felt reasonably safe that he had pooted his last.  

His wife seemed somewhat excited and thrilled to see him and exclaimed "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight!"  She blindfolded him and led him to the table.  He seated himself and just as she was ready to remove the blindfold the telephone rang.  She made him promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned.  Then she went to answer the phone.  

Seizing the opportunity he shifted his weight to one leg and let go.  It was not only loud but ripe as rotten eggs.  He took his napkin from his lap and quickly fanned the air about him.  Things had just returned to normal when he felt another urge coming over him, so he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again.  This was a prize winner.  While keeping his ear on the conversation in the hall, he went on like this for ten minutes until he knew the phone farewells indicated the end of his freedom.  

He placed his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.  Smiling, his wife returned.  Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked and of course, he assured her that he had not.

At that point she removed the blindfold and there to his surprise ---- 
.
.
.

.
.twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a birthday party surprise.

A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for a tooth extraction.  "$85 for an extraction sir" was the dentist's reply.

"Och huv yer no got anythin' cheaper" replies the Scotsman getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir" said the dentist.

"What about if yer din't use any anesthetic?" asked the Scotsman hopefully.

"Well it's highly unusual sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for $70" said the dentist.

"Hmmmm, what about if yer used one of your dentist trainees and still without anesthetic" said the Scotsman.

"Well it's possible but they are only training and I can't guarantee  their level of professionalism and it'll be a lot more painful. I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say $40" said the dentist.

"Och that's still a bit much, how about if yer make it a trainin' session and have yer student do the extraction and the other students watchin' and learnin" said the Scotsman hopefully.

"Hmmmmm, well OK it'll be good for the students I suppose, I'll charge you only $5 in that case" said the dentist.

"Och now yer talkin' laddie!  It's a deal" said the Scotsman "Can yer confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday?"

An 85 year old gentleman feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked.

The Doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem.

"Here's what you do," said the doctor, "start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for supper?" No response.

So the husband moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for supper?" Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from
his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for supper?" Again he gets no response.

So he walks up to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey,
What's for supper?" Again there is no response.

He walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"

Harold, for the fifth time, CHICKEN!

The Pope calls everyone into his office.  he says:

"I have good news and bad news"

"Jesus has returned!"

One replied, "That is great news , what could possibly be the bad news?"

"He is in Utah..."

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.  Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know  whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of  Heaven."

 The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

They have finally released the ingredients in Viagra.

2% aspirin
2% ibuprofen
1% Vitamin C
95% Fix-A-Flat

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

Dear Son:

Your Paw has a job. It's the first one he had in forty-eight years since we have been married. We are a little better off now, because we have so much money now we don't know what to do with it. Paw gets $17.15 every Thursday, so we thought we ought to do something about fixing up the house.

We sent to Sears & Roebuck for one of those bathrooms you hear people having in houses. It took a plumber to put it in shape. On one side of the bathroom is a great long thing something like a pig trough, only you get in it and wash all over. Over on the other side is a little white thing they call a sink where you wash your face and hands.

But over in the corner we really got something. This thing, you put one foot in, wash it clean, then you pull the chain & get fresh water for the other foot. Two lids come with the thing. We got no use for them in the bathroom so I'm using one for the bread board.

The other lid has a hole in it so we use it for a frame for grampa's picture.

Sears & Roebuck are real nice people to deal with. They sent us a roll of paper with the outfit. We can't write on it very well, so I'm using it to wrap Paw's lunch.

Take care of yourself,

Maw

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"

The Manager replied, "Which one? We have,

'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95 ...

'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95 ...

'Barbie goes shopping for $19.95 ...

'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95...

'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 ...

and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00."

"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95?" Dad asked surprised.

"Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand in the weak light, tears running down her face. Her praying woke him from his slumber. He looked up, pale lips moving slightly.

"Becky my darling," he whispered.

"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."

He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky, "everything's all right, go to sleep now."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ...I . . I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother."

"I know sweet one" whispered Becky, "let the poison work."

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them.

Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn with the teeth.

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies  room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie, POOF! you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror never to be seen again.

Soooooo, A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."

POOF! The mirror swallows her.

Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think  I'm the sexist woman alive."

POOF! The mirror swallows her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before the mirror and says,

"I think . . .POOF!"

One day Sally and Dave were sitting at home listening to the weather forecast during a big snowstorm.  The news said that everyone will have to park their car on the odd side of the street to allow the snow plows to clear the even side of the road.  Sally jumped up and moved the car.  

The next day the storm was still continuing to dump large amounts of snow.  During the weather report it said for everyone to park on the even side of the street so that they could plow the odd side.  Again, Sally jumped out and moved the car.

On the next day they were listening to the weather forecast and right when the man said "Snow is continuing and tonight everyone will have to park.." and the power went off.  Sally was clearly upset and her husband Dave asked her what was wrong.  She said "The power went off and did not hear what side of the street to park on…  What are we going to do?".  

Dave looked at her with compassion and said, "Dear, let's just leave the car in the garage tonight"…

A blonde was driving down the road following a large truck.  When they stopped at the light, the blonde ran up to the drive of the truck and said "My name is Sally and you are losing your load".  The driver looked at here somewhat puzzled and said, "That is okay" and drove off.

She continued down the road right behind him and at the next intersection light, ran back up to him and said "My name is Sally and you are losing your load".  He looked at her strange and just drove off.

This cycle continued twice more.  Then when she ran up to the man, he yelled at her "My name is Dave and I drive the salt truck".

(For those who do not know, in many places during the winter they use trucks of salt on the roads to melt the snow and ice).

One neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush.

It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our blonde friend was stuck again.

The neighbor suggested she notch the ear of one horse.

That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence.

Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart.

The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height.

When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white
horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied," There certainly is!"

My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL." but ever time I go out to the mailbox it is empty...

A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.

Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"

The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"

The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352."

This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."

The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.

When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's main but cannot get a firm grip. She throws her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is battered against the ground.

She is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great good fortune, the Wal-Mart sees her and shuts the horse off!