Got this in email a few days ago and thought I would share:

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than  the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says,' License and registration, please.'

'What for?' says the lawyer.

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please.'

The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law, License and registration, please!' the Deputy says.

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

'That sounds fair.  Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says,

'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?

Two guys were sitting on the front porch and one leaned over and said:

Dave, I think my wife and I are having some problems lately.

What makes you think so Sam?

Well, the first was that my wife set me up with an appointment to get my eyes tested.

Really?  I didn’t know you where having problems with your eyes.

I didn’t think so either, but she says she wants me to see things her way.

Another time, after I came home from a two week fishing trip with the guys, I was complaining I forgot my watch but we still had a really good time, but decided to release all the fish we caught.  She was all upset when she told me that she had put my watch in in my tackle box before we left.  That could have went over smoother.

The last issue came just before hunting season.  She was very excited to give me a gift.  When I opened it, I realized we might have some serious issues: